What Hurts The Most
by Shade in the Shadows
Summary: What hurts the most about Edward leaving. Character death. All human characters. SLASH. Implied Mpreg. Don't like don't read. Please no flamers. Rated M for suicide.


**Warning!**

**All human characters! Implied Mpreg. Implied SLASH. Character death.**

**Thanks for reading! Please no flamers, but constructive criticism is welcome. Thanks again! -Shade in the Shadows**

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
>That don't bother me<br>_

If I thought Forks was bleary and depressing before... Now that Edward is gone, it's so much worse.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
><em> 

My dad says I spend too much time just sitting on the windowsill, crying, and watching the world go by. Without me. Without HIM. It doesn't bother me anymore...

I'm not afraid to cry.

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though  
>Goin' on with you gone still upsets me<br>_

My friends say that I'm like a zombie. I feel like one. My life has no meaning without Edward in it.

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
>But that's not what gets me<br>What hurts the most  
>Was being so close<br>_

***Flashback***

We're laying in the meadow behind his house. We smile at each other, and kiss. I feel safe in his arms.

_And havin' so much to say  
>And watchin' you walk away<em>

***Flashback* **

"Edward please!" I plead. He looks at me and shakes his head. "I have to go. I'm sorry." I fall to my knees.

"No..."

_Never knowin'  
>What could've been<br>And not seein' that lovin' you  
>Is what I was tryin' to do<em>

My dad says he walked into my room while I was sleeping the other night. My face was stained with tears and I had a picture of Edward clutched to my chest.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
>But I'm doin' it<br>It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
><em> 

I walk into the school cafeteria. Our friends all wave me over to our table. I just force a smile, wave... And keep walking.

_Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
><em> 

I see no point in getting up. I throw my arm over my eyes, and decide to ignore the world. I have no _will_ to get up and face it anymore.

_But I know if I could do it over  
>I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart<br>That I left unspoken_

I write him letters. I never send them, but I write them. I tell him everything I was too afraid to tell him for real.

Mostly 'I love you'...

_What hurts the most  
>Is being so close<br>And havin' so much to say  
>And watchin' you walk away<em>

***Flashback***

I was standing in the shadows. Hiding in the trees. Watching as Edward puts the last box in his car and closes the door. Watching as he hugs his family goodbye. As he looks me right in the eyes, then gets in the car and drives off. His family never knew I was there...

_And never knowin'  
>What could've been<br>_

I had an amazing dream the other night. Edward and I were sitting on the couch. His hand was resting on my stomach, and the child growing there. Three little children were asleep on the floor, in front of a blazing fire. We were a happy family...

_And not seein' that lovin' you  
>Is what I was tryin' to do<br>(Not seein' that lovin' you  
>That's what I was trying to do)<em>

***Edwards P.O.V***

I came as soon as I heard. This couldn't have happened... But it did. I push open the door, and enter the room. It's so wrong. It shouldn't be like this. Billy and Carlisle walk towards me, away from the person lying in the bed. Carlisle smiles sadly at me, and presses an envelope into my hands. The only thing inside the envelope is a small, handwritten note.

_Edward,_

_I'm sorry this had to happen._

_I love you._

_I just wish I was brave enough to tell you before._

_Please don't forget about me._

_All my love,_

_Jacob_

I let out a sob. No. Not my Jacob. He can't be gone! He CAN'T! Carlisle and Billy have left the room. I approach the body on the bed. He looks so small...and pale... So pale. It makes me sick. I can't do this. I scribble out a quick good-bye to my family, telling them how much I love them, and not to grieve for me. Then I laid next to him, and brought my pocket knife to my throat.

The pain was brief.

And we're together again... 


End file.
